But what about Spandex?

- phone conversation -

Husband: Hey honey, what’s up, where you at?
Wife: I’m driving.
H: Where you going?
W: I need to go to the mall.
H: Oh yeah, what are you getting again?
W: My friend in Cambridge asked me to get her some stuff like I did last time I went.
H: That’s right. What time’s your coaching tonight?
W: I think it’s a 6:30.
H: Cool, you getting anything else?
W: Yeah, I think I may get me a new pair of underwear. My favorite ones looked like a dog chewed on them when I put them on.
H: One of our dogs chewed on your underwear?... and you're wearing them?!?!?!
W: No silly, I think they got stuck in the drier.
H: That sucks…. Well get you some more then.
W: I think I will.
H: hmmm… why are you wearing two underwear?
W: What? I’m not wearing two.
H: You said you were wearing a pair of underwear. That’s two.
W: Isn’t that how you say it? ‘a pair of underwear’, ‘a pair of panties’, a pair of pants'?
H: I guess you’re right. I wonder why it’s “a pair”? A pair is two… No one is wearing two.
W: I don’t know. That’s a good question.
H: Hmmm…so…. if ‘trousers’ is a pair, then one should be a ‘trouse’…. “Hi honey, tomorrow for work I will wear a trouse.”
W: Ha ha ha
H: And I think I’ll wear a ‘box’ or maybe you can buy me a ‘tight white’ for under my trouse!!
W: Ha ha ha!! You’re silly. Alright I got to go.
H: Ok, I’ll see you at home. Hope it doesn’t rain on you guys.
W: Me too.
H: Bye, Luv ya.
W: I love you too. *click*
H: *click*

*The husbands brain continues to churn*
Seriously, why is it a pair? I’m not going to call it a pair anymore. In fact, I’m going to start a campaign to get it changed.
I mean, we all say Dress and not a pair of Dresses, and no one wears a pair of bras. AND, I can really see how we wear a pair of shoes or socks as there really are two pieces to those... , but shorts for example is one piece, not two.
And other things too… Pair of… Pants, Trousers, Undies, Boxers. They’re all going change... ‘pant, ’trouse’, ‘undie’, ‘box’ should be the correct terms.
We'd then say:
- “Question, do you prefer Box or Brief?
- “Wow, the color on your Pant is really nice.”
- “Hey Jeanne, did you get a new Jean?”

I think I’ll also resume my other life long crusade:
If more than one Cactus is Cacti, and Octopus is Octopi, then more than one Walrus should CLEARLY be Walri.
And while I’m at it, if 1 Goose becomes 3 Geese, them 1 Moose should be 3...