"These races are hard hard hard."

I'd been in the race for seven hours and fifteen minutes, of which almost the entire thing had been a mental struggle.

• The below freezing temperature was never a factor - I was dressed to perfection and never felt cold.
• Hydration was on point - I never felt any signs of cramping or dehydration.
• Nutrition was fine - I never felt weak from lack of fuel, and my stomach was never an issue.
• Physically I wasn't having any knee or hamstring issues that I thought might creep in.

Quitting sucks. Quitting is not fun. Quitting is hard. Quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To physically take my timing chip off my ankle, walk it over to the race official at the Nachos aid station, and say: "Bib number 81, officially out of the race." "Official?" " Yes sir, I'm officially out", then hearing him call it in on the radio; and then hear the confirmation on the radio: "Roger that, number 81, out of the race." was painful. Turning around to see Dan, my pacer and have to face him was even worse.

I'm pretty disappointed with myself, but not for quitting. But it was the right thing to do at that time, and I still feel that it was the correct thing to do at that time. I had just had enough.

I am still not sure exactly how I put myself in the place I ended up, but at this time thoughts such as, mentally under-prepared, overconfident, not being humble, not being "race-ready", lack of focus, or just plain let my guard down, are the ones that sound as possibilities.

Bottomline: On Saturday, January 9th, I simply wasn't mentally strong enough to take on what was shaping up to be a 12+ hour run in rough terrain.

Unfortunately, not reaching the finishline is a part of ultra-marathoning. It's never pretty, but in the ultra community, it's understood. I doubt anyone finishes their career with a perfect record. Mine now goes to 3 and 1.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and friendly notes I've received.

Of course I'm still really disappointed. You can't train for 6 months, countless 5 and 6 hour runs, multiple 25+, 30+ mile runs and not be disappointed. But the disapointment isn't that I didn't finish, it's that I somehow forgot the mental part. (I bet you know what I learned this weekend!)

If I could, I'd go out there and do it again next week, and I guarantee you the head would not be the issue.

Ken said it best: "These races are hard hard hard."

My plate is full this spring, so no time to hide in the closet and feel sorry for myself:

• Austin Marathon - Feb 14th - I pace Dan, returning the favor.
• Nueces - March 6th - Probably the Marathon distance, but maybe the 50 miler.
• Boston Marathon - April 19th - One last attempt at a sub 3 hour road marathon for the foreseeable future.
• Grand Canyon rim2rim2rim run- May 8 - "The run of a lifetime".