The greatest showdown EVER

My running coach posed this question to kickstart some banter on today, Friday the 13th. " Freddie, Jason, or Michael Myers, in a 3-way round-robin tournament? Discuss..... "
Here's my answer:


Here’s what would happen:

The fight would be advertised around the world as the single greatest Octagon showdown ever. People would fight, kill and do anything to get their hands on tickets to see this thing go down. So naturally, The Don(ald Trump) himself, would outbid everyone to host it in Atlantic City.

Samuel L Jackson is a huge Octagon fighting fan, but can’t find a ticket, and so he agrees to be the master of ceremonies in exchange for access to the fight.

The day before the fight, Samuel boards a plane at LAX headed to NY La Guardia. Little does he know, Jason and Michael both live in LA too. They can't travel in public, so they agree to be placed in sealed containers where they are going to be shipped on separate planes for NY.

However, Freddie, who is retired and lives in a cabin up in a remote area by a lake, decides to make a deal with a Japanese businessman who is pissed at Donald Trump for outbidding him. The Japanese businessman arranges for both sealed containers to end up on the same flight, and they also go ahead and spray all these weird pheromones on these fresh guacamole and tofu boxes in the plane cargo.

Samuel L Jackson is sitting comfortably in his seat in first class next to his new best buddy, Sean Jones, who was a witness to a murder in Hawaii, and recently went through hell on a flight from Honolulu with some snakes or something.

Well, long story short, all hell breaks loose. Both Jason and Michael wake up from the pheromones and go apeshit in the cargo area, eventually making their way to the main cabin where they also kill tons of passengers.

Samuel L, the badass that he is, goes after both of them with fire extinguishers, fire axes, little Chihuahua dogs, people's umbrellas and walking canes. Somehow, he manages to lure both Jason AND Michael to back of the plane, and all the passengers to the front of it. He then single-handedly manages to blow off the tail of the plane, followed by one of the 4 plane engines. This is all timed perfectly and as Jason and Michael are grappling, they fly out of the plane and get puree’d by the engine turbine.

The plane then lands safely in Des Moines, Iowa, where the surviving passengers are ushered on to ambulances and school buses. Samuel L and his pal Sean Jones escape a near death situation, and get on a private jet to Atlantic city where Samuel L has to announce Freddie as the winner, as he himself beat those two mother****ing evil do'ers off the mother ***ing plane they were on.

Freddie doesn’t believe what he is hearing, and slices Samuel’s head off, when Samuel was about to raise Freddie’s hand as winner. “No one touches Freddie or they die" Mr. Kruegger yells out while holding Samuel’s head by the fro.

At this time Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer spot each other in the crowd, and run at each other. They end up in the Octagon with Freddie and a new fight of epic proportions commences…