Laws of Work

1998 - I'm given a copy of these on paper.
2000 - Switch jobs. Personal stuff I kept, ends up in the Attic.
2006 - Picking stuff for our garage sale out of the attic, I found my old work files, and this list.


1- If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
2- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt
3- Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
4- It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
5- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
6- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you’re going to get.
7- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
8- Eat one live toad in the morning before work, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
10- If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
11- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
12- Keep your boss’ boss of your boss’ back.
13- Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous”.
14- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
15- To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
16- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
17- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
18- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work – if you are really good, you will get out of it.
19- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
20- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
21- If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
23- When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24- Following the rules will not get the job done.
25- Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
26- When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, - How would the Lone Ranger handle this. (can replace with Chuck Norris / Jack Bauer)
27- The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.